Pretend it's May 2010

Continuing on with updating our records...

Saturday, May 1, 2010
Bekah was an angel today! She caught herself from tattling...
"James is ... oh I forgot to mind my own business."
And she remembered all her bedtime routine by herself! She found satisfaction in doing good and in obeying and she said I didn't make her feel embarrassed for it, even though I noticed and said thank you. I love her!
Lately any time I've been praising her she gets embarrassed, but if I don't praise her and she notices I praise James she feels hurt. When talking to my mom about it, she pointed out that maybe it's because I'm still praising her like she's a toddler--super excited high pitched "yea!"s and "I'm so proud of you"s--cause that's what I've always done, but maybe now it's time to think about praising her in her grown up way and in her "love language". (Later note: I'm excited to read "Five Love Languages of Children" that I got for Mother's Day!)

Praise is a funny thing...I remember feeling the same way when I was a child--so wanting to feel adored and loved and yearning for that approval, but anytime that attention came feeling embarrassed about it. It's a strange dichotomy. Almost like (in my teenage somewhat-rebellious times) I wanted nothing to do with anything my parents' (or any un-cool adult) wanted me to do, and yet still wanting them to be proud of me and feeling like the only way to get there was to do what they wanted. Like I wanted them to respect me for me, not because I was doing what I was "supposed to be doing just because I was supposed to". I'm rambling a little, but interesting thoughts.

I've always heard that if you want people to respect you, you show respect for them first. Maybe praising her like a 6-7 yr old deserves (or even like I would praise an adult) will help her feel more respected and like the praise is real and not fake or inflated. And that it's something she can be proud of.

When I was in elementary school, I loved my teachers and the homework (for the most part) and the projects and just going to school period. I loved that I got more attention at school for doing good work, I got to accomplish things that were done in a day or two so I felt productive, and I got to see friends. I got to feel in control of my life a little, away from parents and siblings. But this was not Jason's experience, nor has it been Bekah's this year. Jason is pretty good at looking at things and seeing right through what they mean, whether it's ideas or people. In public school, he says he seemed to be pretty aware of the why's and what was going on and could distinguish between what was busy work and what was really relevant to him to learn. (Hope I am remembering this conversation somewhat correctly! Or that it's at least in the same spirit of things.) So if someone like this couldn't see the point of why they needed to learn a concept or do the homework, they stopped caring about doing it. And if they were required to do it, they may have felt no satisfaction in doing it because it didn't feel productive. So it was done as fast as possible or late or maybe not at all. And if too much of this happened day after day, they might decide all school is not productive and you go just because you have to and you don't really care about learning something while you're there. Some teachers might see this as underachieving, and it certainly is easy to label it as this. But with just a little individualized time together at the right time a teacher could make life applications in math or science or language arts and possibly open a child's mind to why they should care about it. And suddenly you have a student whose excited about learning and will learn it as fast as they can! You no longer have an average or below average student who might be causing "disruptions" in the classroom because they are bored or don't see the point or never feel self-satisfied with the work they're completing. Yet the answer doesn't lie in moving them up a grade to "challenge" them more, with more of the same busy work (according to the child's viewpoint). The answer could possibly lie in just needing a little more individualized attention and time in an area they are interested in.

So this goes back to praise and feeling good about the work you do. For some, it's enough to do it just because you're supposed to and you feel like you got something done, and you may almost blindly go along with it because you trust that teachers or your elders know what they're doing and the payback will eventually reward you. For others, you don't feel good about yourself because what you're doing doesn't enrich you or others and you question what it's all about. These thoughts never occurred to me before talking about this with Jason. And these thoughts have opened my mind to a whole new reality and possibility of what Bekah's future education may need to be in the next few years.

In primary at church, Bekah is so engaged and fully participates and feels fulfilled. She comes home excited about what she's learned and there are constant compliments from others who witness her exuberance! I want her to love learning at least some subjects at school just as much as she loves learning about God and her place in His plan.

Monday, May 3, 2010
Jason has been so sick off and on. Keeps getting a bad cough and cold, yet is supposed to be finishing final papers and administering finals for his students, both here at MCC and downtown at UIC. It's so hard to stop pushing yourself when you can see you only two or three more days before resting would be convenient. (Two days later I took him to the doctor and he had bronchitis and a back sprain.)
We asked our hometeacher to come mow our lawn today since Jason needs to rest. I was proud of myself that I got the tulip bulbs uprooted in tact (for the most part) so he could mow that section of grass, and I got 6 leaf piles bagged or out of the way. I worked along side the kids for some of it so we got to talk. Bekah was telling me things she talks about with the kids at recess. She told me a joke she learned.
Q: How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
A: Poke-her face.
I laughed so hard!! It was a totally funny joke! Over dinner, Bekah told the joke to Jason, and I can't remember the last time I've seen him laugh so hard! It made Bekah feel so good.
Yet at the same time I was wondering inside, what else are you learning on the playground? Do I want my first grader thinking Lady Gaga is cool to listen to right now?

Friday, May 7, 2010
Cleaned bathroom, showered, made ice cream cake, decorated living room and hall with sings, streamers, and balloons, decluttered and dusted
all by noon
when Bekah and her friend Kyla came home from the half-day at school for Bekah's birthday party.
They played. We ate cookie cutter sandwiches for lunch. Then we went to Monkey Joes while listening to monkey music in the car, getting monkey stickers, and wearing monkey socks. When they started getting bored of Monkey Joes (a bounce house place), we started playing hide 'n go seek and pretend movies. Then we got Pizza Hut, did presents, cake and played.

A few months ago, Bekah came home from school saying "Kyla's my BFF!" Jason and I had to ask "What did you just say?" We can't believe the texting/IM language is already filtering down to first graders!

Thinking more about homeschooling and my experience with BFA for high school. My mom pointed out to me (and I never even realized this!) that the same year Russ and I started BFA (meaning we only had 3 half-days of school a week so we'd be home more and our mom would have to oversee our studies a lot more) was the year my mom would have finally had all four kids in all-day school. That was a sacrifice for her.

Saturday, May 8, 2010
Stake Women's Conference--
"I know that God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He wouldn't trust me so much." --Mother Theresa

"Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly. Sometimes on a broomstick. We are flexible that way!"--email circulating

"If your kids are fighting, they're bored."--Lois Jean Spencer's mom

"We hear a lot of 'ought to's. Pick one or two up and try them."--Bishop Burton

Unlikely Truths of Motherhood by Katie Van Dyke. Creator of Mother's Day fought to establish it, then afterwards, was saddened because felt it contributed to women feeling entitled. "Expectations are a reservation for resentment."
Don't sign up at the resentment hotel.
One year her husband forgot her birthday and it was just her and the kids, husband out of town, so she decided to throw her own birthday party and made invitations for each kid. Talked it up, made cupcakes together, and had the best birthday ever.

I always heard growing up that you need to surround yourself with good friends and good things so you can be strong enough to make good choices. To prepare for that end goal of marriage and family. And I thought about how to do this in my own for my own children growing up now. But until today I never thought about how I still need to surround myself with good things in that same way. Things that remind me that motherhood is important and noble and a privilege. In the home. In the car. On my ipod. Things that build up motherhood and womanhood. Then I'll have more strength and power to have patience and be the best wife and mother I can be. And then it will be so much more evident to my children that this is important. So maybe I'll make up some "mormon ads" for motherhood. We'll see.

*********
It's 12:11am. I'm so tired. I am feeling like nothing I do ever gets finished or even better. No matter how much I organize or declutter or put away, more stuff or the same stuff goes back in those same places. It makes me feel like it's out of my control and there's nothing I can do about it! It makes me want to scream sometimes!
I almost cried when Bekah asked if I could lay down with her for a minute or two with the lights out at bedtime. I probably should have...but I'm so tired. I'd fall asleep and then I wouldn't have got the sweeping, mopping, wiping counters, washing dishes done just so I can have some sense of peace and order for Sunday (and Mother's Day). I hope she saw that her mom loves her but sometimes she can't do everything and needs help. and needs her to do things herself. It's a hard thing to learn. But it helps us mature and grow up.
So here is what I did get done today so I can see it and feel better:
-went to stake women's conference (gone from 8am to 3pm)
-sang "In Perfect Faith" at Mark's baptism, and got lots of really nice compliments about it
-gave JJ a bath
-vacuumed almost the whole house
-watched Bekah open the rest of her presents that Jason had wrapped while we were at the baptism
-dropped off dry cleaning" of Jason whose not feeling better yet but still took care of kids all day so I could go
-took out trash and recyclables
-put away my pile of clothes that were by the bed
-loaded dishwasher
-wiped stove and counter and table down
-swept and mopped tile floor
That's more than I usually get done in two days, and I only had about half a day.
I guess sometimes I get down thought because most of that stuff has to get done again. Not that I don't want to do it again but that having to do it again means yet again no time to go through the other projects or piles of stuff that needs homes so our home can feel free and a place where we want to be. WE NEED LESS STUFF! But I don't know what to get rid of (nor do I have time to sort through it!). It's so frustrating.
I need to get some sleep. I always feel better in the morning.

Sunday, May 9, 2010
Jason gave me U2 tickets!!! Or at least a print out saying he would buy them if I wanted to go. Now I feel guilty, though, because they're expensive.
Jason made risotto for dinner. So good!

Monday, May 10, 2010
Bekah's birthday!
My birthday!
Not sure why but this year especially feeling like it's getting old having to share birthdays. But it is what it is.

Jason made us a wonderful breakfast! Bekah went to school, I had lunch with my friend (whose birthday it was also!), then I had lunch with Bekah at school, took cupcakes to Bekah's class, and cake and presents. Jason made me a 10-12 inch high ice cream cake! He made a layer for each type of candy I like. Wow!
Then Bekah and I took our "Dinner Impossible" trip Jason gave Bekah on Saturday to ride the train to Arlington Heights and eat at California Pizza Kitchen.

Thurs, May 13, 2010
So much rain our basement and small part of our roof flooded today!
McMullins end up having to move to San Fran for the summer and want to give us their U2 tickets as payback for watching over their house! Wow! I've been wanting to go to U2 since I was 16 and now I can not feel guilty about going! It's July 6th. I can't wait!
Bekah's open house was tonight. She loved showing us her art projects on display, her classroom and her book she published at the publishing center. It was dedicated to cousin Kaylee.

Friday, May 14, 2010
Bekah's well child doctor visit today:
51 lbs, 4 ft 1.5 inches.
On the way home (it was just the two of us) we talked about the possibility of homeschooling next year. Bekah was so excited about it! She kept coming up with ideas about how to learn things and how to make it fun. It was wonderful to see her enthusiasm and made me lose all doubt that we could do this.
Later that night we got nice chocolates, and as we ate one, Bekah said:
"Oh...mmm...how much do these cost?" (with mouth full of chocolates)
Mom: "About $3."
Bekah: "Remind me next time I have $3 to buy some of these!"

Saturday, May 15, 2010
So for my birthday Jason said I could buy a new vacuum (I could hardly vacuum with the one we had...it wasn't worth it much since the dust it kicked back just made the room more dirty!). With cleaning houses, I have fallen in love with the Dyson vacuums, but they are spendy. We thought long and hard and today I found one at Costco with a big rebate! So Jason said get it! I love it! I actually look for excuses to vacuum! It feels good to clean with it because I know it's cleaning so much better.
Bekah thinks I'm weird that I wanted a vacuum for my birthday. "Mom, that's not fun." Well, I guess that's what happens when you get old and become a mom. Or is it become a mom and get old. :)

Jason and I went out for dinner with our good friends tonight. We have NEVER gotten a babysitter where we just left and let go of the worry and just come home when we feel like it. But this babysitter was college age, totally trustworthy, and didn't have to be home by a certain time. So nice to really enjoy ourselves. It was a good long double date and we were with really fun people. We can't wait to do it again sometime.

Thursday, May 20, 2010
Bekah and I toured and observed HEART today, a homeschool program in Barrington that our friends go to. HEART stands for Homeschool Enrichment Achieved Respectfully Together. Every Thursday during the school year from 8:30-3:30. Very wonderful feeling there. Very Christian based. We'll see if it works out if we do decide to homeschool.

Bekah's eye doctor visit today. Left eye a little farsighted and has slight astigmatism, but not enough to need glasses yet. The doctor praised Bekah for telling the truth and not lying to try to get glasses like some kids her age do. We are proud of her for doing so, even though she does really want glasses.

Friday, May 21, 2010
We think JJ is starting to get scared of the dark. He stopped sleeping through the night like he has been. Keeps crying real cries and saying "dahk dahk" when we come in. We need to find a night light for him to see if that helps.

Saturday, May 22, 2010
Went to the Kohl's Children's Museum today. JJ's favorite area was the cars, car wash and tools section. Bekah's favorite was the grocery store and water area. Good memories.

Sunday, May 23, 2010
Thought more about homeschool today. Maybe it will only be for one year. I can't turn back the clock if I choose not to--I might regret not trying it. But if it doesn't work, she won't be behind. She's so smart, she catches on quickly. I only see regrets if I don't try it.

Monday, May 24, 2010
Been cleaning houses about 3 days a week this month. Today I cleaned two houses. Jason made lettuce wraps for dinner! Yum!
When you work all day and come home and see everything fine without you, you begin to think you didn't miss out on anything and that you still know how everything is. It's a slow process if you work full-time as a mom--to where you think this is working out to be gone all day. "I can still be a good mom" but you don't see what you're missing and you get out of the loop without even realizing it. You don't notice their new habits or how much TV they've had or snacks they've had, or new words they've said or things they've learned. You don't have that ability to oversee the whole picture to make better decisions for tomorrow or right now. You don't see how important it is to be there when the kids are there unless you do it and see it. I have to remember this. It makes me realize more what it's like for husbands who are gone all day and need to be brought back into the loop so they don't feel left out of things.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Saddest news today. U2 concert was postponed until next year! Bono had to have back surgery. Was really looking forward to going.

Played at the park as a family after dinner. Bekah decided to go across the high monkey bars all by herself. She really worked to complete her goal! She didn't give up! She didn't make it all the way across but her progress was amazing in such a short time. And she felt really good about herself. Really good. Instead of saying "Good job. That's so awesome!" I realized I should point out how good she feels so she can start working on finding more satisfaction within herself. "Doesn't that make you feel so good to do that? Look how far you made it! That feels so good." I should realize more times when I can do this for her.

These are my favorites times together as a family. Playing at the park, doing things together and enjoying each other's company. Time seems to stand still. Feels like magic.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010
JJ is walking around saying "I did it!" "I made it!". It's so cute! What's amazing is he isn't getting the you/I mixed up since we say "You did it!" back to him! I think he's learned it from Eric Carle's book From Head to Toe and from us cheering him to eat his dinner.
What's funny today is he did things he wasn't supposed to do and then cheered for himself and said "I did it!"
At least he's starting off with good self-esteem and confidence.

Monday, May 31, 2010
Jason left for his conference in Minneapolis on Friday, and James got pink eye Saturday. Great timing. We had to stay home from church and hibernate in the house for a few days. We had borrowed our friend's car since Jason took the van to the conference. We so couldn't go back to a car. I know I hit my head a few times trying to get them into the car seats.
Today it thunderstormed just before the parade was to begin. Bekah was so let down.
When Jason got back, Bekah and I went to Chuck E Cheese for some fun. Nice to be just the two of us.